Saturday, October 25, 2008

Coffee Break: I Think God Can Explain

Practically my theme song:

Sunday, October 12, 2008

So much to look forward to...

What was going through my mind on the way back to my reality:

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ghost Story

I watch the western sky
The sun is sinking
The geese are flying south
It sets me thinking

I did not miss you much
I did not suffer
What did not kill me
Just made me tougher

I feel the winter come
His icy sinews,
Now in the firelight
The case continues

Another night in court
The same old trial
The same old questions asked
The same denial

The shadows closing round
Like jury members
I look for answers in
The fire’s embers

Why was I missing then
That whole December?
I give my usual line,
I don’t remember

Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep
And all these differences
A cloak I borrow
We kept our distances
Why should it follow that
I must have loved you?

What is a force that binds the stars?
I wore this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that moves the tide?
Never could find a place to hide

What moves the earth around the sun?
What could I do but run and run and run?
Afraid to love, afraid to fail
A mast without a sail

The moon's a fingernail
And slowly sinking
Another day begins
And now I'm thinking

That this is indifference
Was my invention
When everything I did
Sought your attention

You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate's map
Of buried treasure

If this was all correct
The last thing I'd expect
The prosecution rests
It's time that I confessed
I must have loved you
I must have loved you

Monday, August 18, 2008

Writer's Block: The Far (Out) Side

Living alone can do things to a person's mind. What once upon a time never used to bother you, suddenly becomes like a big deal - suddenly you see the world with myopic eyes.

There are a lot of perks that come along with living alone. There's no one to share anything with, no one to nag you about your turn to do the dishes, and no complaints from anyone when you get too lazy to cook or do laundry.

It's perfectly ok to walk around in your undies or belt out a not-so-perfect tune. But it also means having to change the light bulb by yourself, accidentally hammering your thumb instead of the nail, and carrying a six-step-ladder all by your lonesome because it costs $20 and three days to have it delivered to your apartment at the next block.

You spend Christmas and New Year waiting for someone - anyone, to call, and buy yourself a bottle of vino to help knock you out.

It also means having to spend your birthday like Jesus, because everyone was out waiting for Santa. And you thank your stars that at least your mother remembered, because the other one person you were counting on to remember, coincidentally dropped off the planet and returned with amnesia.

So you thank God that at least you have a job as Dilbert. At least you still got a roof over your head. But then, your landlord calls saying he's raising the rent, which means you have to look for a more affordable roof, and get some order back in the chaos of your life that you haphazardly dumped in boxes.

Then as you unload it all, you realize - Dammit! I need new glasses. -wmf

Writer's Block: As I walk away


As I walk away
from you and me
I say farewell
to haunting images
of
hot cups of coffee
after a brief hide and seek,
an afternoon rub,
flirty eyes
over a cold, quickie meal
wrinkled noses, late afternoon chats
of dreams and ambitions.

Tongues entwined, tasting each other
tete-a-tete, lazy french kisses
soft, sweet and wet
like melted pieces of chocolate
under the hot afternoon sun
only in great quantities.

No more shall there be
long walks
on cold, rainy afternoons,
teddy bear cuddles,
soft whispers that tickle the ears,
the playing of feet,
teasing and tickling,
weak knees, intimidating glares,
endless fights
and sweet making-ups,
a cold shoulder, and
a warm embrace.
And then I forget…
Why is it that I'm walking away?

Wendy Ferrer
(2000, All Rights Reserved)

May I die a young man's death


by Roger McGough

Let me die a youngman's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death
........................

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party
........................

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insides
........................

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one
........................

Let me die a youngman's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

Monday, July 7, 2008

Remember

by Christina Georgina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Which superhero/villain are you?

I had a feeling this was going to be the result. Ironically I earned this nickname from some friends because they all agree that I eat like a cat. Only one person said I eat like a rabbit - and I don't thing Rabbit Girl is very cool.


Click here to take the "Which superhero are you?" quiz

This result took me by surprise:



Click here to take the "Which super villain are you?" quiz.

Coffee Break: Taking the shot

Photographers make interesting subjects too.

Lensman


Anything for the shot


Someone must have soaked the Mark III !


Camera-lover


And here's bonus - mainly because I think I know this guy. I combined the photos - but the first one was found off the net. The other is one of my former photojournalism classmates from North Korea during a tour in Hamburg. He takes pictures the same way.
Nam, is that you?

Monday, June 30, 2008

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Coffee Break: Boxing advice

What Freddie Roach told Manny Pacquiao before he KO'd David Diaz:

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Coffee Break: Things that are better dry

*newspaper
*crackers
*pants
*martini
*sense of humor

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Coffee Break: The copyeditor called in sick

* "It was the best of dimes, it was the worst of dimes."

* "A nose by any other name would smell a sweet."

* "Frankie, my dear, I don't give a damn."

* "Love means never having to say you're sore."

* "How do I love thee? Let me count the lays."

* "I have always depended on the hindness of rangers."

* "A poo's a poo, no matter the stall."

* "Call me, Ismael!"

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Sagot sa ilan ninyong katanungan!

I got this in my email this week. (Thanks, Kuya Manny) I hope this answers some of those life questions.

Patungkol sa iyong mga katanungan sa buhay....

Datapwat hindi ako nakakasiguro sa lahat ng aking mga sagot, susubukan kong bigyang liwanag ang ilan sa iyong mga katanungan...

Ang isa kong kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal ng bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay.
Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ninyo ngunit walang tumpak na makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag.
Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Ang squidballs ba ay betlog (bayag) ng pusit?
Ang squidballs ay hindi betlog ng pusit ...baka betlog ni Tiya Pusit.

2. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?
Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)

3. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?
Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay op.m.

4. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?
Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila'y makatakas o ang tinatawag na "fire escape".

5. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?
Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalagutan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

6. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na Chicken Joy?
Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masaya kung kaya't sila'y tinawag na chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa Jollibee patayin ang manok upang ito ay maging masaya... ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi Chicken Joy kundi...McChicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pc. Chicken Mcnuggets)

7. Mayroon bang kahit isang langgam na mahilig sa maalat?
Alam na ba ninyo iyong patawa na "itlog maalat"? Nakagat ako minsan ng langgam...... kung nakagat ka na ng langgam sa itlog, ibig sabihin marami ring langgam mahilig sa maalat.

8. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day , 7 days a week , at 365 days a year. Bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit?

Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanunganbilang 2 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffee break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

9. Bakit di mataas ang highway?
Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

10. Ba't alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?
Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumutingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay "fly"-lipad, "over"-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan. Alam kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata, Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8 at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pang-mayaman kaya't huwag na kayong magpumilit mamilosopo... ako lang ang may karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na mayroon kayong sunroof, hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na "sense of humor".

Namamatay ng maaga ang palaging seryoso.
Sana ay nasagot ang ilan sa inyong mga katanungan sa buhay. Kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kayong mag-atubiling ilapit sa mga kina-uukulan o kaya sarilinin nyo na lamang para di kayo pagtawanan.

At lagi rin sana nating tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na "ask a dumb question and you'll get a dumb answer."

Maraming salamat at walang anuman.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Coffee Break Poem: Talking to Grief

by Denise Levertov

Ah, Grief, I should not treat you
like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door
for a crust, for a meatless bone.
I should trust you.

I should coax you
into the house and give you
your own corner,
a worn mat to lie on,
your own water dish.

You think I don't know you've been living
under my porch.
You long for your real place to be readied
before winter comes. You need
your name,
your collar and tag. You need
the right to warn off intruders,
to consider
my house your own
and me your person
and yourself
my own dog.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

1001 Books You Should Read

For a bookworm, I don't seem to be doing to well catching up on my reading . Of the 1001 on this list - these are the only ones I've read. I have a loooooong way to go.
Stuff I Read:
1900s
  • Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel García Márquez
  • One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel García Márquez
  • Franny and Zooey – J.D. Salinger
  • The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway
  • The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
  • The Sound and the Fury – William Faulkner
  • Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie (currently reading)
1800s

* Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë

Stuff I’ve been meaning to read:
1900s

· The Satanic Verses – Salman Rushdie
· A Farewell to Arms – Ernest Hemingway
· The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
· 2001: A Space Odyssey – Arthur C. Clarke
· The Lord of the Rings – J.R.R. Tolkien
· The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien

· Women in Love – D.H. Lawrence
· A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man – James Joyce
· Sons and Lovers – D.H. Lawrence
· The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
1800s
· Persuasion - Jane Austen
· Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontë

1001 Movies to See Before You Die

There are books that they say you should read before you die. Now here's a list of 1001 movies to see before you die.
Here are the few that I've seen from this list (by personal categories):

My All-Time Favorites:
· When Harry Met Sally (1989)
· Forrest Gump (1994)
· Fight Club (1999)
· The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)- Add in Two Towers and Return of the King to this list
· Chicago (2002)
· Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)- & Vol. 2, of course


Movies I like:
· Back to the Future (1985)- and the other two sequels
· The Naked Gun (1988)
· Big (1988)
· The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
· Groundhog Day (1993)
· The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
· Amelie (2001)
· And Your Mother Too (2001)- Original Spanish Title is "Y Tu Mama Tambien"
· Moulin Rouge (2001) - I liked Baz Luhrmann'a mash-up style
· The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Hands down classics:
· Casablanca (1942)
· Roman Holiday (1953)
· Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
· My Fair Lady (1964)
· Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
· Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
· Star Wars (1977)
· Saturday Night Fever (1977)
· Grease (1978)
· Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
· Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
· Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)
· The Pianist (2002)

“Uh –it was ok” movies
· Ghostbusters (1984)
· The Princess Bride (1987)
· Batman (1989)– It could have been much better. Christian Bale has done the best job as Batman, so far.
· Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
· Braveheart (1995)
· Strictly Ballroom (1992)
· There’s Something About Mary (1998)
· The Matrix (1999)– Watched all three plus Animatrix, and I still didn’t get it. Love the outfits though.
· The Blair Witch Project (1999)
· American Beauty (1999)
· Eyes Wide Shut (1999)– Two words: Tom Cruise
· The Sixth Sense (1999)– I just liked the ending.
· Gladiator (2000)
· Meet the Parents (2000)
· Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Movies I’ve been meaning to watch but never got to:
· Nosferatu, A Symphony of Terror (1922)
· The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
· Dracula (1931)
· The Seven Samurai (1954)
· Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
· Gigi (1958)
· La Dolce Vita (1960)
· A Hard Day’s Night (1964)
· 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
· The Godfather (1972)
· The Godfather Part II (1974) - and Part III
· Manila in the Claws of Brightness (1975)
– My mother had a small role in this movie (Can’t find a copy anywhere)
· Nosferatu: Phantom Of The Night (1979)
· Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
· Cinema Paradiso (1988)
· A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
· Die Hard (1988)
· Sex, Lies and Videotape (1989)
· Schindler’s List (1993)
· The Piano (1993)
· Pulp Fiction (1994)
· Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Classics I’ve seen remakes of: (without seeing the original)
· The Ladykillers (1955)- The remake was hilarious!
· An Affair to Remember (1957)
· Psycho (1960)- Maybe the original Hitchock version was better.

Movies I’ve seen but don’t care much for:
· Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)- I tell you, Snow White is a vampire!
· Pinocchio (1940)
· Dumbo (1941)
· The Ten Commandments (1956)– Saw this on TV on every Holy Week as a kid. The Sound of Music (1965)– I only liked the music. Not so pleasant watching Nazis as a kid.
· The Jungle Book (1967)
· Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)– Saw this and the remake, and still don’t like it.
· Jaws (1975)
· Carrie (1976)
· Rocky (1976) – I didn’t understand a word Stallone said.
· Alien (1979)
· Mad Max (1979)
· Airplane! (1980)
· E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
· The Terminator (1984)
· A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
· Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
· The Fly (1986)
· Aliens (1986)
· Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
· Top Gun (1986)
· Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
· Pretty Woman (1990)
· Edward Scissorhands (1990)– Couldn’t stand Johnny Depp in this one.
· Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
· A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001) – Hated it.
· Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)– I was bored out of my wits. The worst Dracula movie ever.
· Philadelphia (1993)
· The Lion King (1994)
· Toy Story (1995)
· Clueless (1995)
· Independence Day (1996)
· The English Patient (1996)– I really tried to appreciate this one.
· Scream (1996)
· Titanic (1997)– Hate this with a passion for a million on cinematic reasons.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Coffee Break: David vs. David

Had a feeling this was gonna be a David vs. David fight.
I like good little boy David A., but alas I've always had a weakness for dark horses.
My money's been on the rocker-bartender-wordnerd dude --- even when he had the funny hair. But I guess they all start out kinda scruffy.

Hello

Monday, May 12, 2008

Batman vs. Iron Man

Darn it! It's like choosing between Canon and Nikon! (Click on title for the video)

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Coffee Break: Robert Downey Jr.

Here's a letter I came across on The New Republic about actor Robert Downey Jr. - who is now best known for his role as Iron Man/Tony Stark.
I'd have to say I partially agree with this guy. Partially, because he's the one who decides to take on these roles as well.
But I do agree that he is a really good actor.
I first saw Downey in the "Chaplin", and his performance was brilliant. Of course there are his more popular romantic comedies that all through the90s. But this has been overshadowed by his constant struggle with drugs.
Personally I hope this comeback brings him even better roles, and a better life.


Dear Hollywood (I'm not going to cite you individually by name, but you know who you are),

I'm writing to ask you to please, please stop trying to kill Robert Downey Jr. It's bad for cinema, bad for the box office (as this weekend will emphatically attest), and simply not a nice thing to do.

What am I talking about? You know perfectly well, but I will explain anyway:

Downey has noted that his recreational drug use in the 1980s did not spiral into a full-blown debilitating addiction until he played an addict in Less Than Zero. As the star recently told Starpulse, "Until that movie I took my drugs after work and on the weekends. That changed on Less Than Zero. The role was like the ghost of Christmas Future. I became an exaggeration of the character." Downey's subsequent addiction resulted in arrests, incarceration, and the near-demise of his acting career. Nobody wants anything like that to happen again, right?

Cut to three years ago. A rehabilitated Downey was making his comeback, and you cast him as the lead in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, a sly noir subversion that offered one of the best roles of his career. But you just had to sneak in a subplot in which Downey's character loses a finger and spends the remainder of the film smashed on painkillers. As he notes at one point, "Then and there I made a decision: If it fucking killed me, I would not stop until I got, like, two more Demerol."

Yes, I know. It's just one movie. It's a coincidence, all one big misunderstanding. But how are we to explain the following?

-- The next year, you gave him a role in A Scanner Darkly as an abuser of Substance D, a drug so addictive that "you're either on it, or you haven't tried it."

-- Then, it was the part of Paul Avery in Zodiac--a flamboyant reporter whose career falls apart thanks to drug and alcohol abuse.

-- Following that, you made him the principal/dad in Charlie Bartlett, another alcoholic, and this time one who waves a gun around drunkenly in one scene. (Downey also faced weapons charges in the 1990s.)

-- And now, finally, he gets to be Tony Stark in Iron Man. But what seems at first glance to be a career pinnacle--a great performance in a movie poised to make $2 gajillion--is just another step in your elaborate plot to undo him. Sure, he's just amiably boozy in this one (though he puts down enough Scotches that one wonders if his Iron Man armor has retractable cup holders). But, given that Stark is probably the most famous Marvel Comics hero to face serious alcohol abuse, it's all too clear that within a sequel or two you intend to have him hammered out of his mind, waving his repulsor rays around and demanding that someone get him an Oxycodone.

Seriously, guys: Please cut it out. Downey is a terrific actor and seems to be a nice guy. Find him a role as a yoga instructor or the owner of a health food store. Let him play a vegan FBI agent or a Seventh Day Adventist shock jock. Make him Captain Frickin' America. But this has got to stop.

Sincerelyish,

Christopher Orr

Friday, May 2, 2008

Coffee Break: Gisele

I don't think anyone is surprised Gisele was named the model raking in the most dough. Where don't you see her?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Writer's Block: I'd like to do this with you



Wouldn't it be better if we all had to fill out forms like this whenever we meet people?
The world is already bureaucratic anyway, so one more form won't hurt. In fact, this might clear up a lot of things in our lives.
For instance, when you go on a date - you can have the "applicant" fill up the form and state exactly what they're looking for. i.e. I'd like to do this with you: (check) spoon
And done! You can decide whether or not you want to say yes.
If an applicant wants to nullify a previous application - then, they fill in another form and mark a news set of boxes in the list. It keeps things simple. - wmf

Monday, April 28, 2008

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Writer's Block: Corporate (Part II)

Here are 10 things you should consider if you want to survive the corporate life:

- 3 hours writing emails + 3 hours in meetings + 3 hours doing your real job = busy, productive and successful

- It is essential to ass-lick and to show off.

- When your boss says: "Let me know if there's something you don't like about the way I run things" - you aren't expected to do so.

- Declining to attend a corporate party is not an option.

- Chatter about shopping and celebrities with colleagues means you are a team player. So is lunching.

- The words 'paradigm' and corporate jargon should get you excited.

- Meetings do not necessarily have to lead to conclusions and plans of action.

- Instead of saying: "We are copying what the other company is doing by re-naming their product and putting our logo on it.", you should say, "We have re-evaluated our strategy and have made the decision to shift towards a different paradigm that will in turn, help us grow our business as well as create a more pleasant experience for our consumers."

- When the company releases its earning report, be prepared to see revenue on the top of the page instead of net income, because the numbers looks bigger.

- Do not talk negatively about corporate earnings no matter how bad it gets. Nor should you talk negatively about a project or plan, no matter how ridiculous it is. -wmf

Coffee Break: Monday morning greeting

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Coffee Break Poem: Sonnet XVII

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Coffee Break: Corporate

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are.

2. You decide to re-organize your family into a “team-based organization.”

3. You refer to dating as test marketing.

4. You can spell “paradigm.”

5. You actually know what a paradigm is.

6. You understand your airline’s fare structure.

7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.

8. Your Valentine’s Day cards have bullet points.

9. You think that it’s actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don’t know.

10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.

11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just “issues” and “improvement opportunities.”

12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.

13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as “highly leveraged” as opposed to “in debt.”

14. You end every argument by saying “let’s talk about this off-line.”

15. You can explain to somebody the difference between “re-engineering”, “down-sizing”, “right-sizing”, and “firing people’s asses.”

16. You actually believe your explanation in number 15.

17. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.

18. You refer to your previous life as “my sunk cost.”

19. You refer to your significant other as “my Co-CEO.”

20. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.

21. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert’s boss.

22. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.

23. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.

24. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.

25. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.

26. Your “deliverable” for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.

27. You use the term “value-added” without falling down laughing.

28. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a white board and Internet connection.

29. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Coffee Break: Two Cows

I couldn't resist but post another one of Ben's emailed jokes.
If you ever wonder about what journalists talk about over coffee in between deadlines, this is a preview of journalistic humor.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime and steal someone else's cows and shoot the owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
A farmer has two cows.
You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim zero unemployment, high bovine productivity and arrest the journalist for reporting the numbers -- a state secret.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The More Loving One

by WH Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time

Pulitzer: Journalism

Public Service: The Washington Post for exposing the mistreatment of wounded veterans at Walter Reed Hospital.

Breaking News Reporting: The Washington Post staff for its coverage of the Virginia Tech massacre

Investigative Reporting: Walt Bogdanich and Jake Hooker of The New York Times and the Chicago Tribune Staff. The Times won for stories on toxic ingredients in medicine and other products imported from China; the Tribune for exposing faulty regulation of toys, car seats and cribs.

Explanatory Reporting: Amy Harmon of The New York Times for her examination of the dilemmas and ethical issues that accompany DNA testing.

Local Reporting: David Umhoefer of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel for stories on the skirting of tax laws to pad pensions of county employees.

National Reporting: Jo Becker and Barton Gellman of The Washington Post for their exploration of Vice President Dick Cheney's influence on national policy.

International Reporting: Steve Fainaru of The Washington Post for his series on private security Protection-Firms-for-Executives contractors in Iraq that operate outside most of the laws governing American forces.

Feature Writing: Gene Weingarten of The Washington Post for chronicling the violinist Joshua Bell Strings-Attached May-07 as he played beautiful music in a subway station filled with unheeding commuters.

Commentary: Steven Pearlstein of The Washington Post for columns exploring the nation's complex economic ills.

Criticism: Mark Feeney of The Boston Globe for his command of the visual arts, from film and photography to painting.

Editorial Writing: No award. (tsk, tsk - too much Hilary and Obama?)

Editorial Cartooning: Michael Ramirez of Investor's Business Daily for what the judges called his "provocative cartoons."

Photography: Adrees Latif of Reuters for his photograph of a Japanese videographer, sprawled on the pavement, fatally wounded during a street demonstration in Myanmar.

Feature Photography: Preston Gannaway of the Concord (N.H.) Monitor for her chronicle of a family coping with a parent's terminal illness.

(Click on title for link.)

Coffee Break: Mental Asylum

This is from an email I received from a friend. (Thanks Ben!)
I think I know people who should be pressing (or not pressing) each of these phone buttons.
Apparently on my end, I shouldn't even bother. No one will answer.


Answering Machine at a Mental Hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship..

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Cocktail Links: Art and Photography

1. This is what the world would look like if our world was inverted. An interesting note - the Phlippines and India are the only ones with Kingdoms in Asia. As Tom Cruise would say, "Bwahahaha!"



2. Fold-in magazine art
3. Splash photography
4. The most beautiful fractal art

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Renascence

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!

Writer's Block: "Unsubscribe me from your Internet"

Here's an honest-to-goodness letter sent by snail mail to this guy, asking him to "unsubscribe" her from the Internet because it gets full all the time.
Reminds me of how difficult it was to explain to my 92-year old grandmother what I do for a living. It was almost as hard as trying to explain to her how I earned a living working for the wires. So I told her I work with newspapers and computers.
She's proud of course - despite her lack of comprehension. But she says she'd rather see me a) doing a "woman's job" where I can sit at a desk all day and look pretty (her very own words), b) work as a news anchor on TV, or c) marry a rich doctor and give her great grandchildren.
Sorry grandma...fat chance. -wmf



(
click on title for link)

Coffee Break Poem: Ashes of Life

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Love has gone and left me and the days are all alike;
Eat I must, and sleep I will, -- and would that night were here!
But ah! -- to lie awake and hear the slow hours strike!
Would that it were day again! -- with twilight near!

Love has gone and left me and I don't know what to do;
This or that or what you will is all the same to me;
But all the things that I begin I leave before I'm through, --
There's little use in anything as far as I can see.

Love has gone and left me, -- and the neighbors knock and borrow,
And life goes on forever like the gnawing of a mouse, --
And to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow
There's this little street and this little house.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Saturday Strip: On the Internet

(click on image to enlarge)

The Pregnant Man

Search Engines


Writer's Block: Fate


Time draws near for me to move on -
life is making a path for me.
Doors are opening.
It's nearly time to forget and leave all this behind.

As I walk away, I have but one regret -
that in doing so, I am tearing away a part of me.

It has already begun.
Not because I wish it, but because I have no choice
The decision has been made, and there is only one way out.

I ache knowing that I am being torn away -
from all I know, have known.

The torch that I carry has dimmed, and will soon fade into the night.
Soon you will forget my face -
who I am and what I was.

It is nearly time to move on,
but the drizzle has not touched your face.

(wendy ferrer)

Friday, April 4, 2008

Some of Time's All-Time Top Albums

by Artist, Label/Year Released

Elvis: 30 No. 1 Hits
Elvis Presley
BMG/Elvis, 2002

The Anthology, 1947 - 1972
Muddy Waters
Chess, 2001

Kid A
Radiohead
Capitol, 2000

Stankonia
Outkast
LaFace, 2000

1990s
Sunrise
Elvis Presley
BMG / Elvis, 1999

OK Computer
Radiohead
Capitol, 1997

Time Out of Mind
Bob Dylan
Sony, 1997

(What's the Story) Morning Glory
Oasis
Sony, 1995

My Life
Mary J. Blige
MCA, 1994

The Chronic
Dr. Dre
Death Row/Interscope, 1992

Achtung Baby
U2
Island, 1991

Nevermind
Nirvana
DGC Records, 1991

Out of Time
R.E.M.
Warner Brothers, 1991

Star Time
James Brown
Polydor, 1991

1980s
Like a Prayer
Madonna
Sire/London/Rhino, 1989

Document
R.E.M.
I.R.S. Records, 1987

Sign O' The Times
Prince
Paisley Park, 1987

The Joshua Tree
U2
Island, 1987

Master of Puppets
Metallica
Elektra/Wea, 1986

Legend
Bob Marley and the Wailers
Island/Tuff Gong, 1984

Purple Rain
Prince
Warner Brothers, 1984

Stop Making Sense
Talking Heads
Warner Brothers/Wea, 1984

The Great Twenty-Eight
Chuck Berry
MCA, 1982

Thriller
Michael Jackson
Sony, 1982

Back in Black
AC/DC
Atlantic, 1980

1970s
Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols
The Sex Pistols
Warner Brothers/Wea, 1977

Hotel California
The Eagles
Elektra/Wea, 1976

Songs in the Key of Life
Stevie Wonder
Motown, 1976

Born to Run
Bruce Springsteen
Sony, 1975

Call Me
Al Green
The Right Stuff, 1973

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Elton John
MCA, 1973

The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust
David Bowie
RCA, 1972

Exile on Main Street
The Rolling Stones
Virgin, 1972

Talking Book
Stevie Wonder
UMG Recordings, 1972

Blue
Joni Mitchell
Warner Brothers/Wea, 1971

Hunky Dory
David Bowie
RCA, 1971

Led Zeppelin IV (a.k.a. Zoso)
Led Zeppelin
Wea International, 1971

Paranoid
Black Sabbath
Warner Brothers, 1971

Sticky Fingers
The Rolling Stones
Virgin, 1971

Tapestry
Carole King
Ode/A&M, 1971

What's Going On
Marvin Gaye
Motown, 1971

Who's Next
The Who
Mobile Fidelity, 1971

Bridge Over Troubled Water
Simon and Garfunkel
Columbia, 1970

John Lennon
Plastic Ono Band
Apple/EMI, 1970

Moondance
Van Morrison
Warner Brothers/Wea, 1970

1960s
Abbey Road
The Beatles
Capitol, 1969

Bitches Brew
Miles Davis
Sony, 1969

Astral Weeks
Van Morrison
Warner Brothers/Wea, 1968

Lady Soul
Aretha Franklin
Atlantic, 1968

The Beatles ("The White Album")
The Beatles
Capitol, 1968

Are You Experienced
The Jimi Hendrix Experience
Experience Hendrix, 1967

I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You
Aretha Franklin
Atlantic, 1967

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
The Beatles
Capitol, 1967

Blonde on Blonde
Bob Dylan
Columbia, 1966

Pet Sounds
The Beach Boys
DCC, 1966

Revolver
The Beatles
Capitol, 1966

Highway 61 Revisited
Bob Dylan
Columbia, 1965

Rubber Soul
The Beatles
Capitol, 1965

A Love Supreme
John Coltrane
Impulse, 1964

Live at the Apollo (1963)
James Brown
Polydor, 1963

Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music
Ray Charles
ABC/Paramount, 1962

1950s
Kind of Blue
Miles Davis
Sony, 1959

Songs for Swingin' Lovers
Frank Sinatra
Capitol, 1955

In the Wee Small Hours
Frank Sinatra
Capitol, 1954

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Cocktail Links: The Office

Warning: Not for those with a weak stomach and probably NSFW.

1. Whack you boss (game)
2. Office slut (animation)
3. Office politics (animation)

Saturday, March 29, 2008

We're all gonna die!!!!!

We're all gonna die!!!!


Suicide


The Death of Spock


Photographer's suicide


Beware


Pennywise was busy...


Precious oil


Fair warning


Death waiting


Lactose intolerance


We're always watching you...


I Want Your Hand

by Rati Amaghlobeli

I want your hand to be placed on my heart, and come,
I want the palm of your hand on my heart, for it to be placed on me.
Before you come I shall light a fire and I shall await
Your coming patiently. I want the big fire

To be alight all night, and voices in the silence of this fire
To be heard only as we once heard the sound of the sea,
For your shoulder, hand, arm to be put on my heart,
And for the fire to be alight.

Let it snow outside, let’s not remember anyone outside.
Let the town fall into a heavy sleep, let the town sleep,
Let fathers, brothers sleep sweetly and bitterly.
Let every place, space and area be covered in white snow.

Let factories, stations, the airport sleep in peace,
Let the sky too rest in sleep, let there be no flying,
Let the yard dogs, the tramp, the bird on the wire
Be overcome by slumber, let everything surrender to slow

Sleep and peace. But let me hold your weak
And white hand the whole night and have it on my heart.
Let for a moment an unknown god stop by our windows,
And let us too go to sleep, but let the fire stay alight.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Why alcohol should be served at work

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay.

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

11. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.

12. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Internet Evolution

Take a look at the evolution of 10 popular websites since the age of the Internet began.

Yahoo Today / 12 Years Ago / 8 Years Ago / 4 Years Ago








(Click on the title for more)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

The Waldo Ultimatum

His identity erased. His past stolen. His whereabouts unknown. Where is Waldo?

Last Supper

Leonardo De Vinci's Last Supper gets lampooned as well.

The Simpsons Last Supper


Hollywood Last Supper


House Last Supper


(Click on the title for more.)